Twelfth Grade

 

Seventh Grade

If anyone finds this book please return it to Cindy Fey, 401 West 113th Street 942-5430

School '77 - '78

I plan to take this book to school and write my thoughts in it. Right now it about a month before school starts. I'm not very ancoeus about it. In fact, I'm kinda scared. I don't know if I'll make any new friends. I sure hope so. It reassures me to think that all the other kids will be there for the first time to. A thing I'm going to like will be choosing a personality for my first impression. I'll probably act myself which I couldn't describe. I don't need to though, and besides, I couldn't explain it anyway. 

I just thought of something really exciting. T.S. is going to be at the same school! I had never thought of that!

For my personality, I wonder if I should be shy and kind and gentle. I'm not really like that. I've got to learn to be quiet. Everyone always says I'm loud. And what I'm really going to have a hard time with is thinking everything over before I say it. One slip and I'm a goner.

Tomorrow I go to orientation. This is the second one so there probably won't be a lot of kids. Still I'm nervous. I'm going to wear my speasial perfume and fingernail polish. I hope people like me.

It is a week after school has started. Some of the kids like Tom Cox and Lori Lisman kinda scare me. They're so popular! I keep on thinking about the dances. They're months off but I still think about them. There are 3 boys I really like. 1, Dave sits next to me in Social Studies. He's really tall and has blond hair and glasses. Next, there's a boy who sits next to me in math. He talks alot to me and has long hair that always falls in his eyes. Last there's this boy who sits next to me in band. He's funny and talks alot to me. I keep on wondering if they would ask me to the dances. I joined Pep Club today.

If I ever fall in love, I want it to be beautiful like in the movies and books and songs.

I have a very nice life.

It's October, about a month after school has started. I 've made a few new friends, Mindy, Kim, and Andrea. At least I hope Andrea still likes me. I guess I'll have to act humble and sorry around her so maybe we can make up. Yesterday I went to Hidden Valley Stables for riding lessons. Wow, Oh, Wow, Oh, Wow, Wow, Woo! Boy Oh Boy! Lusious, Fantastic, Beutiful, Yummy! I have never been that close to a horse for so long. Buetiful! We only worked on grooming, cleaning, saddling, and leading a horse with Dusty a gentle old pony. But boy did I have a blast. Next Saturday we are going to work on mounting and dismounting. Oh my Gosh!

Yesterday was the third session. We saddled a horse named Midnight and rode him. First walking and then jogging. I don't like jogging, you bounce too much. 

I really hurt. At Girl Scout meeting, Andrea told me she hated Mother. Why? I suddenly realized that Karen would make a better daughter for mother than me. She's a model student, she is active in church, Girl Scouts. She probably wouldn't hurt Mother like I do sometimes. But Mother just came in and hugged me and told me I was super. I love her! I have to find something to lock my writings in.

WOWEE! DAVID SAID SEE YA MONDAY! Well he was looking for me to say it I just know!!!!! I'm just all shiver with excitement.

David wore a green and purple silk shirt to school today and the boys were teasing him. So I wrote a note that said I like your shirt and put it in his locker. I hope he gets it. The only thing I'm disappointed over is that I didn't get to say Hi to him after school. He might of found it while I was there. He's 2 lockers away from me.

I like David and I know he likes me. K.A. (I could kill her) told everybody. Now me and David don't talk anymore.

David just called and asked me to the dance. I don't know. I thought I wanted to go to the dance with him but he sounded so, oh, I don't know, gruff. I told him I'd think about it. He sounded surprised when I did as if I would immediately say Yes. Perhaps I'm overreacting, but when I was talking with him I got a funny feeling in my stomach. Like I hurt. In my head to. I don't know. Maybe I should be jumping up and down for joy?

I think I'm going thru a phase that I imagine and daydream a lot.

I told David I'd go with him. We were both opening our lockers and David stopped me just as I was leaving and he said gruff-like: Hold it. I want (or need, I'm not sure) an answer. So I thought a moment and said Yes. He smiled really big and said, Ok! Thanks. Then I left. Wowee! Well, I don't know how to dance, when he'll pick me up, or if we'll go somewhere afterward plus I don't have a dress and shoes and I don't know what to buy! He probably doesn't either!

Hey dummy! You're going to the Christmas dance with a real-honest-to-goodness boy!!!

The dance wasn't so hot. The whole time I felt embarrassed and mean. I hope I didn't act it. Yesterday I hardly talked to him because I felt people would laugh at me. I'm sorry I did now. David is really sweet and I like him. The slow dance was the worst. Everyone got together and then just like that the heads went down and they started dancing. I'm glad David didn't ask me. We just went together and started.

I'm kinda trying to get everybody at school to think I don't really like david anymore. Sometimes I feel really sorry for him.

We were playing volleyball in gym. Boy was I a clutz! I didn't hit the ball right once. But Tom Cox (Tom Cox!!!!) said "don't worry Cindy it's only a game." Wow!

I'm really depressed. School is the worst and the biggest part of my life. My schedule. 1 hour -- okay, but I'm moved away from Joe Brenamin. Disiplinary reasons! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! 2 hour -- Pam Singer ruins it. I sit in front next to Jill and nobody. It's uncomfortable most of the time. 3 hour -- really good probably my best hour. Right behind Jeff Davis the dreamboat. He's off my list by the way. 4 hour -- I really made a fool off myself that hour. For some reason I really dread it. 5 hour -- Oh help. HELP! I'm a cruddy athlete and my legs are so hairy and disgusting. I wear the horrible pants. Today wasn't so bad though. Then lunch. Oh Help! I'm going down for the 3rd time! I either sit by people who don't like me or I don't like them. Everyone has a place they sit every day like a pattern but me! I hate begging to sit down at a certain table. 6 hour -- not bad I love a lot of boys in that class that like me. 7 hour -- not so bad but recently   I can't write anymore

I got a part in the shcool play! Yah Hoo!!!! It's just a little part in the chorus but I love it! It's Rosemary one of the girls. I'm really excited! Norman's younger brother called me and wanted to know what I was doing after school tomorrow. (Jan 16, 1978) I think he wanted me to watch him play basketball. Boy, I wish I could know his name! I think it's David or Brian or something like that.

I can only stay mad at someone when they don't know it. When I tell them I'm mad at them I suddenly stop being angry. I guess I'm scared I'm gonna lost their friendship.

Today (Feb. 7, 1978) at play practice we practiced walzing. I danced with this dreamboat in I think 8th grade and Bob, they're both really, really, really nice! It felt fantastic!

Joe Ricard is really nice and not dumb at all. Oh wow!

I don't want to go to the dance with T. and I don't think I will. I want to go with some unknown, popular kid that no one can make fun of. But I don't know what I'll tell him. B.B. is so stuck up! She's had about 3 boyfriends since school started. I've changed friends alot. Jill and Linda last year I hardly knew and Betsy and Kay and Jane and me used to be kinda a gang. Now J. and L. are good friends and "the gang" have really split up. We wave in the hall but that's all.

I've got to get out of the habit of writing only when I'm depressed.

It's really weird but whenever I'm close to W.J, I feel like grabbing him, I've never felt like this about any other guy, even Joe.

I sometimes imagine what it would be like to kiss a guy. I mean I go thru every detail. I usually think it'd be like this: We're at a dance, at break time. We get some Cokes and talk to some people and then silently we made a dision. Without a word we set down the drinks and begin to walk down the hall (This part's hard wait a minute) Change -- The music starts and we start to walk down the hall a short way still talking. When we get to a place where no one can see we stoped, looked at each other for a long time. To be continued.

I got a white card today. Boy! I threw 3 peanuts in lunch.

I hate school. Thank goodness it's only 11 more days. The rest of this week, next week and then the last week. I could have died last night (May 9, 1978) I went to the band concert, I play French Horn and I was the only one wearing jeans. Only one other girl wore slacks. Betsy and Jane kept asking me about it but it wasn't bad especially when Tim Albright came over and asked to play my horn. He's really nice. 

My Love List

This list isn't a silly boys-I-love list. It's just things that I love. Not in order of the way I like them.

1. Clark Gable

2. potato pancakes (with applesauce and sour cream)

3. Carmel by the Sea

4. Jeff Naylor

5. stuffed animals

6. The Goodies

7. a long, long time ago, I was watching t.v. in my room lat at night when I turned on a channel we don't usually get. There was a girl singing the most beautiful song I had ever heard. All I remember about her is she had a chocker and had short, straight, blond hair.

8. The music to Star Wars (orcastra)

9. my rabbit skin

10. horses

11. the song "San Francisco"

12. dreams of boys

Camp Oakledge, Summer 1977

 

Sixth Grade, 1977, Red Bridge Elementary

It's kind of fun sitting on the bench, if only I didn't have to go to the bathroom so bad. It's quiet except for the muffled yells and whistles from the gym and lunchroom, the soft voices of the secretarys and the deep, low voice of Mr. Graves. Now I can hear an occasional blast from the band room stopped every now and then for Mr. Shaffer to correct what is being played. 

I can hardly keep from laughing when I think about the big brown counter in front of the office. From where I'm sitting I can imagine it looks like a rising flood of water while Mr. Graves and the secretaries keep on acting on as usual.

It's louder now because a lady with her baby came in to talk, blah, blah, blah. It seems longer but I've only been here about 10 minutes. I could fully involve myself in the kids and adults just walking down the hall. There are millions it seems! Here comes those darling kindergartners, carrying their papers and waiting for their bus. They're really cute walking around aimlessly, eyes wide open, drinking in their huge (it seems to them) school.

Well now I've been here 15 minutes. I just went to the bathroom on a spurt of curage. I love doing things like that. I count to 3 real fast and then go! If I count higher than three or wait and think things over, I usually don't go because I tell myself all sorts of terrible things that will happen. Oh great! 20 minutes! About 7 more and someone should come and get me. I better study my drugs now. As I picked up my drug paper I sw my power Pioneers of Tomorrow. It gave me a very warm feeling because it reminded me of the picture Jeff Naylor gave me. He read my poem thinking I meant pioneers like in the old west. He drew a picture of the people in ragged clothes standing in front of a sod house with a chicken coop. It was very good. He said it just took a minute. What do you know! An artist and a writer. Whoops! He probably doesn't even like me but I can't overlook the fact that he asked me for a copy of my poem. Oh no! If someone doesn't come down quick I going to be here're all day! Besides, I hungry.

Panic. I looked at my drug test. I missed 6 on the first one and 5 on the other one. I shouldn't have missed six on the first one because I only misspelled a name.

Oh my gosh, it's 3 til 12. If Betsy and/or Kay don't remember me! They didn't. I had to go back to the room by myself. They didn't come. Well that's how they are. I don't want to admit this to myself but I guess I have to. Besty, Kay, and Jane, my friends are kind of mean to me sometimes. Like when Carol said to me: You better put an undershirt or something under your shirt, I can see thru it. Then when I was about to tell Besty what Carol had said she asked me, Did she say you needed a bra? Well, you do. I DO NOT!  All they can think of is bras and hair on mens chests and periods. And what made me want to scream was when Jill was telling them a joke and when I came over to them and asked them what it was they told me I was too much of a prig to be told. Jill told me anyway. 

My love for him grows stronger every day. Oh dear I wish I could truthfully say that to myself about Jeff Naylor. But I can't because I only like him. I really love the dreams of him more than really himself. I DO hope he likes me. I wish I was too people, 1 who would never grow any older than 3 and be a darling daddy's Baby. The other one who could grow up be a 12 year old then 13 year old, then 14 and so on. Right now I have to be 12 at school at 6 at home. So I'm about as mature at a 8 year old. What's sex? I only know about 4 cuss words and I never say them. Jeff! Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff! He's the most popular boy in the sixth grade and I, the (almost) most unpopular girl in sixth grade has to (almost) fall in love with him. No I'm not in love with him, I'm in love with this image. 

I could just about kill Betsy! She just about popped my bubble of happiness around Jeff. We were standing in line and Jeff popped Betsy's bra strap. She said Ow! and I turned around and asked her what happened. She told me and added (the hole line must have heard) "Cindy doesn't wear a bra." Jeff laughed. Arrrgh!  I'm think I'm going to kill her! I need more paper. BOY AM I MAD! I was really, really mad at all the people in 3rd group in the spelling game we were playing. They cheated and got 50 points while we got 8! 8! No one but us got less than 38. I whish everyone didn't cheat so much in school. But if you don't everyone will think you're a goodie-goodie. Boy I hate that word! 

There's one thing I scared about next year is making an impression. I'll see alot of my old friends next year in school but not all of them. Jeff (oh Jeff), Carol, Kurt (I think) and Julie are leaving to name just a few.